My life, my way? No way, Jose.

Your twenties are your years to learn. To figure your sh*t out. To have your ‘AH-HA!’ moment/s. Or so they say. But why is a number, your age, so definitive to your life and its outcome? Why can’t you realise one day that your life is or is not what you want. Irrespective of your DOB, age or this ‘number’. To me, I thought I always knew what I wanted. I fell into a career straight out of high school which saw me pull out of my university degree and just do the 9-5 and thought that this was it. How life was ‘meant’ to be. How my life was meant to be.

Slowly over time there was a burn (non-medical FYI) and a drive to do something more. To be something more. Whilst still working, I started looking at different ways to harness my passions and this creativity. I created an online business. It failed, dismally. But I kept persevering. I attempted to start an import company. This failed, shock horror. Almost every week, I was coming up with new ‘ah-ha’ idea and sharing them with my parents. The whole time I am sure, they were beginning to get concerned with my constant “more, more, more” attitude and drive. It must’ve been exhausting for them because it sure was for me.

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It wasn’t until I went overseas in 2015 and had the opportunity for the first time in my life to truly be by myself with no external persuasions. I found myself on the other side of the world with no-one I knew. I was doing whatever I wanted and doing it whenever I wanted to do it. It was the scariest realisation and also the most profound of my life. It was whilst I was overseas I quit my job. I enrolled in University. I had decided my life as I was living it, currently, was not enough. To a lot of people, I am sure, I looked bat sh*t crazy. (I probably still do TBH). I was leaving a well paying, stable job, to do, well I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing. I quit my job without a new job to go to AKA I had no money and I was broke. But I knew I wasn’t happy. So I went about fixing it. I was heading for a breakdown and just knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I was no longer the naive young girl with the five million dreams; I had grown up. I was a woman, yes, but I had no f*cking idea what I was doing!

So of course, once I quit my job and questioned everything. I fell into such a depressive lull. People where asking me what I was doing, where I was going, how I was doing, what the big plan was. But I was numb. I had no answers to any of it. I felt stupid and worthless. I had f*cked up. Royally. I also knew I was about to in debt up to my eyeballs. I had also convinced myself I wouldn’t finish my degree.

What. The. F*ck.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.16.43This pivotal moment is what led me to where I am now. Right now, today, I am surrounded, daily, but the most influential and positive role models I have ever met. My best friends, my muses, my shoulders to cry on, my fellow wine whingers, my gym buddies, my siblings, my parents, my friends who I have made as the moniker ‘Everything by Erin’, these people are my family. These people are my support network. These people are why I keep doing what I am doing. These people are why I have not quit and did not quit and will not quit.

Getting back to my original point, life is what you make it. Over the past two years I have grown as a person expo-f*cking-nentially. I get to meet like-minded individuals on a daily basis, I have developed my blog, my business and have nearly graduated university. I have done this. The woman who literally questioned EVERY aspect of her life. And still does. But I can do this. How do I know that? Because I’ve done it. And if I can do this, anyone can.

I’m not the person I once was. I don’t regret who I was, the things I have done in my past or the path that I chose. I am just different. I have grown. I have become my own person. I don’t follow crowds and I sure as sh*t don’t care about what people think of me anymore. I have my family, my mentors and my friends that have become my family.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.15.10To the people who understand my drive, my grind, my passion and what I strive to do; thank you for sticking by me and loving me and supporting me. To the people who I have lost along the way because we’ve drifted or we are no longer connect; I’m sorry. But everything that I do in my life is for me. No-one else. For everyone who has supported me; thank you.

Watch. This. Space.

E x

Side note – All quotes in todays blog are provided by the EVER-SO smart and talented boss b*tch Colette Werden (insta is @colettewerden)

 

 

The One Word You Need to Learn to Never Have a Bad Day Again

Disclaimer – Okay I cannot really promise that. You may have a bad day again; actually you probably will have a bad day again. This word isn’t really going to stop that… BUT I am sure learning it will help nonetheless. I can’t really make too many promises on that one either. Sh*t this may not be too helpful after all….

Listen up kids, I am about to let you in on a (not-so secret) secret. I’m a giver. I always have been. In all aspects of the word, you need something? I am your go to gal. Hell I am pretty sure even if Patricia* (from year six who used to bully me) asked me for a favour, I would do it. The moral of the story is that I used to be giving. Too giving. Being a constant shoulder or set of ears, holy guacamole, is a heavy burden. But now that’s all changed.

*cue sassy clicking from side to side*

Recently I was talking to a friend’s mum who taught me one of THE most valuable life lessons I have ever learnt. Obviously my parents have bestowed infinite wisdom about boys, life, birds and the bee’s blah blah blah, but this, this was nek level wisdom. What’s the word I learnt? Better get out the pen and paper, here’s your warning – it’s a long word, hard to pronounce really. Ready? Okay here we are, the word is…. “no”. Whether it’s relative to going out with friends for brunch, or coffee, or gym, or anything; if you don’t want to do it then use this word. Okay so sometimes you can come across as blunt or rude but if you don’t want to do something you don’t have to do it.

http://gph.is/2aon87g

I am the biggest people pleaser. I always have been. Can’t help it. You need a shoulder to lean on, I’m your girl. Wanna get brunch on a Saturday even though I am severely hungover and battling my own demons and don’t want to leave the house, let’s go. I will always have the eggs benedict and the soy cappuccino. Want to talk about how fantastic your life is whilst I am wallowing in self-pity; obviously I am definitely in.

Cue to now, I am (slowly) learning to put myself first. I used to always put others needs before my own. I forgave people for things that occurred because I wanted them to feel okay about whatever happened. I didn’t mind the fact I was left bawling my eyes out for days on end or the mere fact that it may or may not fester away in my insides. I gave too many chances to people who didn’t deserve them because I didn’t want to upset them.  Ultimately, I was giving too much of myself to others, for their benefit. What did I gain? Nothing! Maybe more anxiety and deeper frown lines.

So I learnt how to manage it. You have gotta do what makes YOU happy. No one else. Don’t want to go to brunch with that dude off tinder because you can’t be bothered having a conversation with someone other than your dog OR shaving your legs? Don’t go. Don’t want to go bootcamp on a Saturday morning because you’re tired and you’ve had a big week and may or may not have indulged in one too many glasses of wine the night before? Don’t go. It’s your call, no one elses. Obviously you can’t go saying no to practical things such as work, uni, paying bills and other ‘grown-up’ responsibilities but hey, a gal can dream. My only exception to the ‘no’ rule would be if you get invited to do a twerk class. Go and do it for the love of GAWD. My knees are still in my knee pads and aching and I have established my a*s is non-existent and I cannot twerk to save my life but hey, I went out of my comfort zone and laughed my non-existent as* off.

http://gph.is/2dbfkX7

I have gotten to a stage in my life where if I don’t want to do something then I am not going to. I don’t want to hang out with certain people anymore and that’s okay. I don’t eat meat anymore and that’s okay. I don’t make excuses anymore and pretend I am okay when I’m not and that is more than okay. I don’t make excuses for people being sh*t anymore and that’s okay.

Moral of the story – it is okay to put yourself first. Saying no to things doesn’t make you a horrible person, it makes you honest. And it turns out nan WAS right all along; honesty IS the best policy.

*Her name wasn’t Patricia. Well probably still isn’t. But you get the gist.

 

 

 

What to do when all of your friends are comfortably ‘adulting’ and you can’t even find the shoes that you wore out last night

Irrespective of your age, anything can happen at any time. At twenty-four I have girlfriends that are married, that are pregnant, that have a baby, that have two babies, that are single parents, that are mums and dads of fur babies and then there is me. I am a full-time university student, working one or two jobs here and there, live with my parents and the closest I have to any form of relationship, is my unhealthy obsession with my family dog. Once the novelty of being an adult wears off and you are forced to recognise your responsibilities and jobs, you are reminded that being a kid wasn’t so tough after all. BIG. TIME. You go through the motions though because I can vividly remember being twelve or thirteen and thinking I knew EXACTLY how my life was going to pan out. I was going to follow closely in my parents and my grandparents footsteps. I was to be married, successful and be a mortgage holder in my early to mid-twenties. Well praise the lord that ideology didn’t amount to anything and I am doing my own thing, happily may I add.

Same babe same.

Don’t be fooled by the ol’ addages that tell you to get your sh*t together by a certain age. Or to ensure that you follow the ol’ beaten track that’s been set out for you. You know, the whole finish high school, fall in love, go to university, graduate university, get a job, get married, have babies and live your life blissfully. But as everyone knows, life isn’t a fairytale. You don’t end up with prince charming or usually the person you shacked up with in high school, because, well, thank god right?! Life isn’t perfect but it happens to everyone at different times.

How can you relate to your friends having children and getting married but you can’t even keep a plant alive? Honestly a plant.

Over time I have learnt that age is nothing but a number. Obviously it is a big deal when it comes to buying drinks, going to bars or buying cigarettes. But in relation to other things, it isn’t important. At all. You can meet someone who is eighteen years old who is more mature, grounded and more sincere than a fifty-year old you’ve known your entire life. Or the opposite end of the spectrum is you could meet a forty-year old who is the funniest, most quick-witted individual you’ve ever come across that enjoys spending their time making a fool of themselves rather than behaving ‘like an adult’. Irrespective of the DOB that is printed on your really un-attractive prison-like photographic identification, your age does not define you or where you should be at in your life.

All and I mean A-L-L of the people in my life are either: married, engaged, pregnant, with child/ren, buying a house, selling a house, renting a house, travelling the world, starting uni, finished uni, career-focused and driven, breaking up with partners, hooking up with new people, hooking up with old people, etcetera etcetera. I could honestly go on about it for hours. Then there’s me. Still living at home with my parents with zero intentions of moving out anytime soon, childless, semi-jobless, no idea what I want to do after I finish uni and the closest human contact I have had in months is with my waxing lady.

Everyday there is a constant birage of people on social networking that you know or ahem, stalk, that you know for a fact are living a better life than you.

Me for example I am a CLASSIC example of a mixed-up presentation. Sometimes on a Sunday I wake up at 8am, go for a run and then do a spin class closely followed by heading home via the supermarket, doing my weekly shop and then meal prepping. This Sunday just passed however, I woke up at 11am with my breath still laden with both alcohol and remnants of leftover McDonald’s on my clothes and had an entire French onion dip tub as my lunch. With a spoon. Whilst drinking a two-hour old cup of cold tea. It’s all about balance.

No matter where you are at in your life all that matters is that you are happy, truly happy. And I am.

UPDATE: My precious heels have been found.

Why is it so hard to take your own advice that you give out so freely to others?

I don’t know why but previously, during my early (single) years I was always the go-to for all advice on relationships. No idea why as it didn’t make any sense. Still doesn’t really. But everything from babies to fights to in-law problems, I knew it all. I could dish out advice quicker than they could tell me about their problems. I was the Buddha of relationships. Did my advice ever work? Probably not. Did they ever listen to me? Again, probably not. But my friends entrusted me with their problems and the goings-on and I was happy to oblige. Fast forward to now. Everything in my relationship turned to sh*t. And if it was a girlfriend going through this I would know exactly what to do, what to say, how to treat their ex-partner. I would be able to fix me. But when it’s your own advice, and you say it to yourself, you’re bloody Helen Keller 2.0. Blind and deaf to the entire thing.

Now, a little bit, ahem, older, maybe wiser, definitely more experienced and definitely more attune to the world around me, I am asked for opinion and advice on things regularly. The one thing that I wish I could solemnly do however, is give myself advice. And listen to it.

The best thing to do with pain, is wait. Sounds cliché AF but time really does heal all wounds. Whether it takes days, weeks, months or even years, it takes time. So you distract yourself. You might get a new hobby, or start reading again, or masturbate. You distract yourself so you don’t think about the pain that you’re feeling. You don’t want to spend time dwelling on the past, what happened or worse; what could’ve happened.

The weekends are the worst. Because even if you are trying to take a ‘break’ from alcohol aka becoming a drunk mess and crying in public; other people do not. Other people like to tell you their drunken feelings and opinions. A lot, and I mean A LOT of people will tell you that they never liked them, they always knew something was off about them or that they knew they weren’t right for you. Of course, unless these people are malicious a-holes, they are trying to be sincere and cheer you up. And of course, it doesn’t work, but I’m sure it helps them feel better to get it off their chest and to ‘help’ you.

satc-quote

Until now, I hadn’t realised how much of a hard bitch I was when it came to other people. I was so quick and found it so easy to say, “dump him”, “move on, you aren’t happy”, “he doesn’t deserve you. He is so batting,” or my old favourite, “you deserve and can do so much better.” Who the F am I to say what someone else deserves? My other favourite was always something along the lines of reminding them to be the bigger person and to ensure that they stay the ‘mature one’. Safe to say, today I have failed my biggest advice BS spiel.

I have been petty. I have deleted every trace of that person from my life – the photos on my laptop, reset my phone to factory settings, deleted every trace of them and their friends off every facet of social media I could find. And of course after this, I decided to go investigating, ahem, stalking. Stalking for any skerrick of hope that they are hurting as much as I am, for answers, for opinions, for information on what he was doing. Why? Absolutely no idea. Did it help? No. Did it make me cry? Of course it did. It was inevitable, it had to be done for peace of mind, and in some weird twisted way it was therapeutic. I knew it was wrong because I would NEVER admit to anyone I was doing it. But this is all part of fixing myself. Since alcohol doesn’t work – found that out the hard way – I found this to be quite soothing, comforting almost.

So now I’m helping myself. I am literally doing everything opposite of what I would tell someone else to do. I am not going to kick myself over what has happened though. The actions that took place sucked and definitely kicked me in the hypothetical gonads but I sure as sh*t can’t change anything and I am beginning to see that I wouldn’t want to. I wasn’t, and he definitely wasn’t happy and we hadn’t been for a very long time. So it’s both a blessing and a curse.  I am going to jump on the hobbies bandwagon, take up tinder full-time, maybe dabble in knitting, smash through another three different seasons of some mindless TV shows and who knows, maybe take up bikram yoga? I’m not too sure yet. Maybe ask me next week what I end up doing.

Peace out, love recently retired advice girl x

 

Twenty-four things you learn before you turn twenty-four

Much like Taylor Swift I am also feeling twenty-two. Except I’m not. I’m twenty-four but even though that’s only two years it’s practically a galaxy in age difference. Sometimes I feel like I’m eighteen still. Then other times where I just feel, let’s just say other times I feel like a geriatric because I do often forget my name and where I work, oh and my date of birth and also how to spell my last name. But none of that really matters right? All that really matters in life is living. And you’ve made it this far so props to you (directed at myself; it was a bit touch and go there for a while).  Here are twenty-four things that are INTEGRAL to learn not only before you turn twenty-four but just in general.

preach

1. Dry shampoo is not good for every occasion. Sometimes, you’ve gotta wash ya damn hair. Sure a lil’ spritz here and there isn’t going to do a serious load of damage but if you are like me and you go to the gym every day and can practically ring out your clothes with sweat, imagine your hair. Nuff said’….

2. Find a style of clothing YOU love and rock the absolute sh#t out of it. Wanna wear flares and they are out of fashion? Who cares! You enjoy wearing dungarees with a turtleneck underneath with your birkenstocks in 30 plus degree weather? Do it girl! But for the love of all things holy, don’t wear a trend that you A, don’t feel comfortable in or B, don’t think you look good in. Fashion is such a broad term. Don’t let other people’s preferences on clothing sway you in any way.

3. You don’t have to know what career path you want to take in life or even the direction you are going in. My only encouragement would be to work. A job. Any job (within reason, skillset etc). Earn an income. Keep busy. Your dream job opportunity or pathway will pop up when you least expect it.

4. Travel. By yourself (preferably). Often. Go to places that are new and exciting and don’t ever settle for mediocre travel plans. A holiday can make or break a friendship/relationship.

5. Do things by yourself and actually enjoy them. Go to the movies. Go out to breakfast by yourself. Go for a walk. Read your book. Switch your phone off for an hour or two at a time, you’ll quickly notice the difference.

6. Exercise. Find something that you enjoy whether it be running, walking, jogging, gossiping and walking (Crowd favourite with my girlfriends), climbing a mountain, spin class, boxing, or lifting heavy weights. Do it and do it often. Not only will your health be boosted tenfold your mentality will also reap the benefits.

7. Listen to your body. If you feel like something is wrong, act on it. Go to the doctors. Go to the naturopath, the chiro, the therapist, the gyno, the guy-no (don’t know the male equivalent?) and the list is endless.

8. Find recipes, meals and food you are really good at cooking and cook on the reg. This is irrespective of whether you live with your parents, your partner, your grandparents, your dog or your best friends. Being able to prepare a meal, not just reheat something is a real skill and unfortunately a dying trait in many twenty-somethings. Indulge in a cooking class or next time someone is cooking, ask them questions, help them with cooking don’t just sit there and eat.

9. Quit sh#t that doesn’t make you happy, such as:

  1. Friendships (rule 10),
  2. Relationships (rule 11),
  3. Jobs (rule 12),
  4. Hobbies (rule 13),
  5. University (rule 14).

15. Decide who your REAL friends are and who are just the flakey ‘will be there when it suits them’ friends. It’ll suck when you realise your Facebook friends list of 5000 people are most likely not even one half of the people who legitimately have your best interests at heart or even care about you. You’ll realise your ‘close’ group of 50 plus ‘gang, crew, clique’ is nothing more than a gathering of associated people. And that’s okay. Know who your close friends are and who you can rely on and/or call when you need to cry, laugh, scream or vent. They’re the important ones.

16. Don’t settle for:

  1. Sh#t food,
  2. Sh#t sex (rule 17),
  3. Sh#t friends (rule 18),
  4. Sh#t apologies (rule 19),
  5. Sh#t excuses (rule 20),

21. Learn that it is okay to say no. Say no to things you don’t want to do. Say no to the people you don’t want to see. Say no to plans you don’t want to have to cancel last minute due to a bogus ‘cat ate my left earring so I cannot leave the house for 48 hours. Vet said’ BS line. The more you learn to accept this mantra and idea, the easier it will be come. At the end of the day the only person you have to make happy and keep happy is yourself.

22. Detox from social media every now and again. Make a conscious effort to not be constantly checking and aimlessly scrolling through nothing for no reason. I still do this to this day and shoutout to Optus for constantly reminding me that I keep going over my data #thumbsup

23. Don’t be afraid to question things. But maybe internally think through your question before blurting it out randomly. I once asked my parents if apples had seeds…. Still haven’t managed to live that down some five years later.

24. Read. Constantly. A book. An online newspaper. Keep your brain engaged on daily issues that matter.

25. Ultimately, remember that what other people think of you and their opinions of you are none of your business. You keep doing what you’re doing and what makes YOU happy and everyone else can go fly a kite.

Okay I lied, it’s twenty-five. But all are completely valid and hold merit.

Over and out,

Ez x

“It’s not you. It’s me.”

Break ups suck. Period. No matter who’s in the wrong (IF anyone is). And there’s nothing, literally nothing, that anyone can say or do to change it. You go from sharing everything – no matter how disgusting, insignificant or hilarious, to nothing. Zilch. Zip. Na-da. You realise quickly how unpopular you are when the only person you text isn’t messaging you anymore and it also reiterates how boring your home life is without that person to lounge on or with. And theres no-one to binge watch the latest season of Game of Thrones with you. I haven’t finished it yet; don’t ruin it.

Stages of a break up:

  1. Numbness; irrespective of if you are dumpee or dumper it sucks. You can’t process it.  You block it. No sleep, food or Netflix can fix it because you are most definitely not hungry OR sleepy (stays for about a week give or take).
  2. Anger; again, even if you say Bye Felicia or if you were Bye Felicia’d you still are angry. You rethink every part of your relationship and stew on stupid insignificant sh*t. Sidenote: I just thought of when he didn’t tell me he liked my hair the 3cm shorter than I usually got it cut AND then proceeded to tell me he couldn’t notice – WTF?!
  3. Denial; you start questioning if it’s fixable. If it’s you. If you sought help on things if it’d work out. Could you talk more? Open lines of communication; surely that’d save everything?
  4. Sadnessdoesn’t need an explanation?
  5. Alcohol*, kidding, or am I. *no more than a bottle. Otherwise it’d be messy. Big n-o.
  6. More sadness; usually alcohol induced sadness. Cue crying into new bed sheets in fresh fake tan and ruining them. Cue further crying from said incident. Then lying on un-made bed which brings on more crying.
  7. Attention craving – Constantly. From friends, family, family pets or neighbours animals that you blatantly wish you could cuddle/steal 24/7 and lock them in your bedroom without access to sad songs or movies, cue The Notebook, Dirty Dancing etc or ANY 90’s love songs.

If you’re a lucky S.O.B, you’ve got the love and support (and sometimes anger) of your family and friends. These are the ones who you can type those ill-faired messages that you wish you could send to who they are really intended for. The ones who drag you out of your funk and make you go and have dinner with them and leave with a stitch from the laughter they provide. Or the friends who hug you so tight that you feel like your body is going to break under their weight of love. They are the ones who need to tolerate the sad spotify playlists you’ve collated and who have to listen to the CONSTANT “I just think it’s funny….” or the “looking back, you know what ….”. Your friends are honestly the greatest things you’ll ever find on this earth. Yeah your family is sick – don’t get me wrong. But your friends CHOOSE you. So you’re safe to act like yourself, be yourself. Be happy or sad or a crazy stage five clinger cryer (preferably not the latter). You are the real MVP/s.

Ofcourse, people will say ‘time heals all wounds’, ‘you’re a strong person. you’ll be fine’, please zip it. Your wisdom isn’t appreciated, needed and will not be acknowledged right now. No, I don’t want to talk about it. Yes I am aware that I am going to be okay at some stage. Yes I AM aware that there is plenty more fish in the sea (you are quite right about that one; all I have to do is google how many people there is the world). And I most certainly don’t want to know your opinion on it. UNLESS your opinion includes option five*, then I most definitely will take a bottle – or two – of sauv, house delivered to Brisbane’s Northside STAT.

There is no fool proof cheat sheet to make yourself feel better. You may drink, smoke (tsk tsk), dance, party, cry, party some more, cry some more and then come to the realisation it doesn’t fix it. The only way that you will move past it and to ‘move on with your life’ (so cliche and lame), is to take little steps everyday. You don’t wake up on a Monday after a heavy weekend of crying and eating and crying and eating (purely hypothetical) and be all “yeah woo let’s jump up on tinder. I don’t feel a thing.” Like the regretful tattoo on my sisters back says, ‘this too shall pass’. You will hurt and then one day the hurt stops. Then and only then, you can just think about them with a fond memory.

You do what you gotta do to feel better EXCEPT go through your camera roll. That’s not a good idea. Ever. Best to throw your phone in the river (possibly of your own tears) and then get a brand new one. Hell even treat yourself to an upgraded phone.

In the meantime I’m off to buy this pillow – http://www.martaussie.com/Boyfriend-Arm-Funny-Soft-Cushion-Bedroom-Washable-Huge-Body-Throw-Pillow-OK