Dating in 2018: Compulsory Dating References for Exes?

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be giving a reference, a physical “he is a really great guy” reference, for a man I once dated. But here we are.

http://gph.is/2kdoSab

Yep this legit happened. So sit down and strap yourself in kids, because this story is a dating doozy.

You see, social media, is such a beautiful thing. It is this really weird tool that connects people, albeit sometimes strangers. They can use it to meet up, post selfies, nudge each other (nostalgic MSN days), catfish each other (Instagram filters, editing tools etc), ‘date’ each other (flirt in the dm’s), then ultimately ignore each other. Obviously, being someone who works within the realms of social media, I froth social media. However, there are a lot of avenues on the web which I am not totally kosher with. So here I am, it is Monday afternoon, we are finishing up at work and someone who I do not know ‘slides into my dm’s’ (young kid, hip lingo) asking for a favour. Never did I ever predict what this favour would entail.

Let me set the scene – I went on a few dates with this person. We were introduced by a mutual friend who assured me he wasn’t a typical douche-canoe like every other breed of man I usually attract. And if I am being honest, to this day, he still isn’t in the same DC category as the others, but I’m sure that after a couple of sauvs I like to get creative with my wording so I am sure he has been painted ever-so lovingly to my girlfriends. Whoops.

Anyway, back on track. As most people who you are dating/not dating, we did the usual non-dating things such as dinners, lunches, breakfasts, sleepovers, meeting the housemates, meeting the friends, going out for drinks, you know typical NON-dating things.

Skip to now, I am going on with my day-to-day life and then out of nowhere, BAM, social media decides to be aid and abet an investigation into this man and he comes back into mine. Now please note, that we women, have specialised skills, much like Liam Neeson, if there is dirt to be dug on a dude whether we are dating them, our friend is, or our mums wants to; we will find it. Back to how I came into the investigation. It went a lil’ something like this –

“Hi Erin, I am doing some background intel and research on (BLAH). Can you confirm or deny that he is a nice guy or a douche-canoe?”

“Hmmm, interesting question (Insert name). How do you know him?”

“Oh hi! You know my friend (blank), she went on a date with him last week. I did some investigating (stalked his friends) and found you. Voila. Here we are. SPILL!”

So here we are. I’m sending through a paragraphed novel about this guy whose middle name to this day evades me, who re-introduced me to my interest in football (safe to report, it’s gone again) and paint him as a real-life oil painted Casanova, which he was. I cannot stress enough, nothing bad ever happened between this guy and I. It just didn’t work out. He’s a nice guy so I will gladly be honest and say nice things about him. I’m sure I could’ve said nothing and just blanked and pretended I didn’t know him or I could’ve acted like a scorned woman (not that there was anything to be scorned over).

http://gph.is/1IffoRV

But I didn’t. So, am I officially now an adult? Is this what my Nan was talking about when she said, “rise above it and be the bigger person”? I can almost guarantee that Nan did not think that that would be applied in a situation such as this, but again, here we are.

So is this what dating is? When you consciously un-couple (apparently this is VERY 2018. FYI – You don’t break up anymore) with someone should you do a de-brief? Should we create a universally recognised excel spreadsheet, a ‘tick or flick’ for once you get the flick?

Sidenote – I would like to add that I committed the CARDINAL of all sins (according to myself, I know everyone else loves it) and ate Salmon for this guy. Also, the salmon ruined my eggs benedict and jokes on you for having to pay the extra $3 for it and me not finishing my breakfast!

Second sidenote – actually the more I think of it, I am a pretty good rebound/prepper for the next best thing. Literally EVERY single one of my exes went on and got married and/or fell in love and/or moved to Europe after they dated me. So, any takers?

 

Xoxo matchmaker girl.

Time to talk about everybody’s favourite ‘A-word’

I don’t hate anybody or any things really (rarely), but this, woah he’s a real b*tch or see you next Tuesday. I hate it.

Anxiety is absolute bullsh*t.

It is physically draining and can hit you like a tonne of bricks or can smash into you quicker than dropping your iphone on your face lying down. It affects everyone differently too. Of course being the loving bugger it is, it doesn’t discriminate. EVERYONE and ANYONE can have anxiety, or be anxious at some stage. Seriously, everyone. The only difference is it is more than often not spoken about. You can be the happiest and most outgoing person in the room but the split-second anxiety rears its ugly head you can be sent into a downward spiral.

Let me break it down for you in more layman’s terms. It’s like when you wake up and you’re really hungover or groggy and you go down to Coles looking less than fresh and it is GUARANTEED that you are going to run into someone looking like a hot mess. You. Cannot. Avoid. It. Then boom, of course, it happens. You know it’ll happen even when you are on a glowing post-orgasm high, you know it’ll rear it’s big ol’ ugly head whenever and wherever it feels like it.

So here’s lil old me minding my own business, attempting as best as I can to keep on top of things – obviously failing miserably but still singing Yonce’s ballad ‘Survivor’. Yes, I know that was Destiny’s Child, but I can’t think of the others’ names; so therefore invalid? Then NEKMINIT it appears. It constantly maintains eye contact with you and tries to hold you in conversation when all you want to do is retreat to your bed (with your McDonald’s) and hide from the world. It isn’t to be confused with being similar to when a woman gets her aunty flow once a month (lucky bastards), there isn’t a set date or time or even an event that triggers it. It can legit be the smallest most insignificant thing that can trigger it. So that’s been me for the last three months on an anxiety bender. Hasn’t been as fun as any other bender I’ve been on before but boy oh boy has the crashing and burning been just as horrific.

The worse thing is it doesn’t discriminate – age, gender, profession, religion – you name it, you can be affected. I have friends, good friends, almost other limbs that have anxiety issues yet until they told me, I had NO idea.  I know of children who have anxiety issues and it truly breaks my heart. To have a child tell you, they are feeling so short of breath whilst being unable to explain why, to not want to participate in sports or hang out with their friends and just want to sit in their rooms and cry, that, well that is truly gut-wrenching. Anxiety works in mysterious ways. It affects everyone differently. Some people cry. Some people have panic attacks. Some people can’t talk and practically turn mute. Some people get anxiety diarrhoea which can decide to show up whenever. Anxiety is pretty right? But it’s time that people, women, men, old, young, whether they are chronically stressed from work or stupendously stressed from being at home with their kids, dogs, or ferrets, etc. to talk about it. Don’t hide it. Don’t hide from it and definitely don’t suffer from it. I’m saying wear an ‘A’ on your shirt as a tell-tale signifier because one it would be confusing and two, well, we all know the story of the Scarlet A, or ‘Easy A’ for the kids in the room. #awkward

Whether it’s talking to a friend over a wine, cuddling your dog and divulging everything or simply speaking to a counsellor, you are not alone. You never will be alone. You aren’t pathetic. You’re strong and being told how to feel when you don’t even know how you feel yourself, is a joke and they can eat one. It’s 2017, not 1817. People need to be able to talk about their feelings. It doesn’t make you any less of a person nor does it diminish you. Nor does it make you any less of yourself. Being anxious, having anxiety, having an attack doesn’t define you. It f*cking sucks but you come out on top. You come out as a better person. You don’t let it break you. You kick it’s arse.

I am pleased, and almost relieved to see how much is being done for mental illness, mental health awareness and overall general health and wellbeing for people. These days people do talk about mental health, however the hardest thing that still remains is to admit it to yourself, and then to share this new-found truth with others. You need to know you are safe and loved and you can talk about things, your life, your stresses and your daily issues that are encountered. It is definitely okay to vent every now and then. It’s more than okay to need to let everything out so you don’t rage unexpectedly one day out of the blue. Every single person is human and isn’t expected to be a robot all of the time.

So right now, it’s a Tuesday afternoon and I’m watching Netflix and having a cider. You know why? Because it’s been a sh*t week. Yeah it’s only Tuesday, I know; but I deserve it. Did I set myself a ‘no drinking during the week’ ban? Yeah I did. Am I going to listen to it tonight? No way. Because I deserve this god damn drink. And I will definitely deserve the second and third too.

So the big ‘A word’ hey? Bet you dirty buggers thought I was going to say something else; what, like abstinence…? You filthy animals. 


For the love of all things guacamole, If you or anyone you know needs to talk about anything, do it. And do it often. You’ll never know how much even a brief conversation can help someone.