Dating in 2018: Compulsory Dating References for Exes?

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be giving a reference, a physical “he is a really great guy” reference, for a man I once dated. But here we are.

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Yep this legit happened. So sit down and strap yourself in kids, because this story is a dating doozy.

You see, social media, is such a beautiful thing. It is this really weird tool that connects people, albeit sometimes strangers. They can use it to meet up, post selfies, nudge each other (nostalgic MSN days), catfish each other (Instagram filters, editing tools etc), ‘date’ each other (flirt in the dm’s), then ultimately ignore each other. Obviously, being someone who works within the realms of social media, I froth social media. However, there are a lot of avenues on the web which I am not totally kosher with. So here I am, it is Monday afternoon, we are finishing up at work and someone who I do not know ‘slides into my dm’s’ (young kid, hip lingo) asking for a favour. Never did I ever predict what this favour would entail.

Let me set the scene – I went on a few dates with this person. We were introduced by a mutual friend who assured me he wasn’t a typical douche-canoe like every other breed of man I usually attract. And if I am being honest, to this day, he still isn’t in the same DC category as the others, but I’m sure that after a couple of sauvs I like to get creative with my wording so I am sure he has been painted ever-so lovingly to my girlfriends. Whoops.

Anyway, back on track. As most people who you are dating/not dating, we did the usual non-dating things such as dinners, lunches, breakfasts, sleepovers, meeting the housemates, meeting the friends, going out for drinks, you know typical NON-dating things.

Skip to now, I am going on with my day-to-day life and then out of nowhere, BAM, social media decides to be aid and abet an investigation into this man and he comes back into mine. Now please note, that we women, have specialised skills, much like Liam Neeson, if there is dirt to be dug on a dude whether we are dating them, our friend is, or our mums wants to; we will find it. Back to how I came into the investigation. It went a lil’ something like this –

“Hi Erin, I am doing some background intel and research on (BLAH). Can you confirm or deny that he is a nice guy or a douche-canoe?”

“Hmmm, interesting question (Insert name). How do you know him?”

“Oh hi! You know my friend (blank), she went on a date with him last week. I did some investigating (stalked his friends) and found you. Voila. Here we are. SPILL!”

So here we are. I’m sending through a paragraphed novel about this guy whose middle name to this day evades me, who re-introduced me to my interest in football (safe to report, it’s gone again) and paint him as a real-life oil painted Casanova, which he was. I cannot stress enough, nothing bad ever happened between this guy and I. It just didn’t work out. He’s a nice guy so I will gladly be honest and say nice things about him. I’m sure I could’ve said nothing and just blanked and pretended I didn’t know him or I could’ve acted like a scorned woman (not that there was anything to be scorned over).

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But I didn’t. So, am I officially now an adult? Is this what my Nan was talking about when she said, “rise above it and be the bigger person”? I can almost guarantee that Nan did not think that that would be applied in a situation such as this, but again, here we are.

So is this what dating is? When you consciously un-couple (apparently this is VERY 2018. FYI – You don’t break up anymore) with someone should you do a de-brief? Should we create a universally recognised excel spreadsheet, a ‘tick or flick’ for once you get the flick?

Sidenote – I would like to add that I committed the CARDINAL of all sins (according to myself, I know everyone else loves it) and ate Salmon for this guy. Also, the salmon ruined my eggs benedict and jokes on you for having to pay the extra $3 for it and me not finishing my breakfast!

Second sidenote – actually the more I think of it, I am a pretty good rebound/prepper for the next best thing. Literally EVERY single one of my exes went on and got married and/or fell in love and/or moved to Europe after they dated me. So, any takers?

 

Xoxo matchmaker girl.

My life, my way? No way, Jose.

Your twenties are your years to learn. To figure your sh*t out. To have your ‘AH-HA!’ moment/s. Or so they say. But why is a number, your age, so definitive to your life and its outcome? Why can’t you realise one day that your life is or is not what you want. Irrespective of your DOB, age or this ‘number’. To me, I thought I always knew what I wanted. I fell into a career straight out of high school which saw me pull out of my university degree and just do the 9-5 and thought that this was it. How life was ‘meant’ to be. How my life was meant to be.

Slowly over time there was a burn (non-medical FYI) and a drive to do something more. To be something more. Whilst still working, I started looking at different ways to harness my passions and this creativity. I created an online business. It failed, dismally. But I kept persevering. I attempted to start an import company. This failed, shock horror. Almost every week, I was coming up with new ‘ah-ha’ idea and sharing them with my parents. The whole time I am sure, they were beginning to get concerned with my constant “more, more, more” attitude and drive. It must’ve been exhausting for them because it sure was for me.

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It wasn’t until I went overseas in 2015 and had the opportunity for the first time in my life to truly be by myself with no external persuasions. I found myself on the other side of the world with no-one I knew. I was doing whatever I wanted and doing it whenever I wanted to do it. It was the scariest realisation and also the most profound of my life. It was whilst I was overseas I quit my job. I enrolled in University. I had decided my life as I was living it, currently, was not enough. To a lot of people, I am sure, I looked bat sh*t crazy. (I probably still do TBH). I was leaving a well paying, stable job, to do, well I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing. I quit my job without a new job to go to AKA I had no money and I was broke. But I knew I wasn’t happy. So I went about fixing it. I was heading for a breakdown and just knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I was no longer the naive young girl with the five million dreams; I had grown up. I was a woman, yes, but I had no f*cking idea what I was doing!

So of course, once I quit my job and questioned everything. I fell into such a depressive lull. People where asking me what I was doing, where I was going, how I was doing, what the big plan was. But I was numb. I had no answers to any of it. I felt stupid and worthless. I had f*cked up. Royally. I also knew I was about to in debt up to my eyeballs. I had also convinced myself I wouldn’t finish my degree.

What. The. F*ck.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.16.43This pivotal moment is what led me to where I am now. Right now, today, I am surrounded, daily, but the most influential and positive role models I have ever met. My best friends, my muses, my shoulders to cry on, my fellow wine whingers, my gym buddies, my siblings, my parents, my friends who I have made as the moniker ‘Everything by Erin’, these people are my family. These people are my support network. These people are why I keep doing what I am doing. These people are why I have not quit and did not quit and will not quit.

Getting back to my original point, life is what you make it. Over the past two years I have grown as a person expo-f*cking-nentially. I get to meet like-minded individuals on a daily basis, I have developed my blog, my business and have nearly graduated university. I have done this. The woman who literally questioned EVERY aspect of her life. And still does. But I can do this. How do I know that? Because I’ve done it. And if I can do this, anyone can.

I’m not the person I once was. I don’t regret who I was, the things I have done in my past or the path that I chose. I am just different. I have grown. I have become my own person. I don’t follow crowds and I sure as sh*t don’t care about what people think of me anymore. I have my family, my mentors and my friends that have become my family.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.15.10To the people who understand my drive, my grind, my passion and what I strive to do; thank you for sticking by me and loving me and supporting me. To the people who I have lost along the way because we’ve drifted or we are no longer connect; I’m sorry. But everything that I do in my life is for me. No-one else. For everyone who has supported me; thank you.

Watch. This. Space.

E x

Side note – All quotes in todays blog are provided by the EVER-SO smart and talented boss b*tch Colette Werden (insta is @colettewerden)

 

 

When life gives you lemons, do tequila shots*

When life gives you lemons, it’s usually best to make lemonade. So they say at least. But seriously, what the hell does this saying even mean? When everything turns to sh*t, am I meant to stop ALL my career aspirations and become a soft drink connoisseur? As much as a gal can dream, I don’t think this is what it meant. So in saying this, I would like to think that this phrase is something that we can faze out. Or at least try to do. Instead, lets coin a phrase so uplifting and spiritual, that when you say it you instantly think of the Queer Eye gents jumping up and down screaming, “YASSSS QUEEN.”

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You see, this is the life I want to live.

Recently I have had a pretty rough time. Now, do not get me wrong, life is good, life has always been pretty good. There is nothing to categorically label certain situations or periods of time bad to make me feel this way. I have just felt numb, lost and confused AF I would say approximately AT LEAST seventy-five percent of the time for the past two or so months. Obviously, as someone who goes through periods of angst and anxiety, this isn’t something I want to dwell on and definitely don’t try to, but my point is, you have to experience these literal down times to realise how good you have it usually. Focus on the good sh*t and drink your way through the bad sh*t. Just kidding. Or am I?

Personally, when I experience a sh*tty time in my life, I would much rather have an ‘ah-ha, yeah sh*t this sucks’ moment, listen to some Adele, have a cry, and then move on. Yeah, yeah I know. Easier said than done. Trust me, I know it is. But you see when your life takes a turn in any direction, other than what you’ve hoped, prayed, wished etc., it is a lot easier to go looking for blame rather than just dealing with it.

You get fired? Go get drunk. You get dumped? Dye your hair and possibly get a nipple or two pierced (Can vouch that this isn’t the most sensible idea. Or so I’ve heard…). You realise your friendship group isn’t as strong or as click-y as it once was? You passive-aggressively tell them via your social media posts how ‘happy’ you are sans them (cue eyeroll x500). You see, these things as superficial or as earth-shattering and groundbreaking that they potentially are, these things, are just that, things. We need to focus on the things that really matter. Focus your energy onto the good people in your life, the good times in your life, your health, your family, your goals. Get rid of all the negative vibes because at the end of the day, they don’t matter.

Why is it that we notice almost instantly when things are heading bad, or have the potential to go bad but almost run, in the opposite direction to good things? Why is it we are so quick to judge ourselves and berate ourselves when things go badly but don’t celebrate when we have wins, however small they are.

The new week is upon on, focus on the wins. Even if they are so small and tiny and may seem insignificant. Focus on the things that build us up rather than tear us down. Focus on being happy rather than being an emotional wreck who cries because the bag of carrots you picked weren’t the freshest (I wish I had made this up). Focus on you and your happiness. That’s the most important part. Not the carrots.

 

Xoxo blonde buddha-like girl out.

*Obviously, if you are underage or cannot handle your alcohol (ahem, like me), don’t do shots. Bad life choices. Instant regrets.

 

 

Self-Love: Fall in love with yourself and your life

Originally created and posted for Miss Bliss Whole Foods Kitchen here.

Contrary to many Instagram posts, to me, self-love doesn’t mean running a bubble bath once a week with a bath bomb I definitely may or may not be able to afford. To me, realising that I already contain what I need for my own self-love was the biggest pivotal moment of all. This happiness and satisfaction of my accomplishments is the purest form of self-love. Sure, much like any other woman, some days I can look in the mirror and am really, really feeling myself and am so grateful for the life that I have. But let’s face it, on other days, the ‘off’ days, let’s just say it is a lot harder to see and believe these things. Self-doubt is a real doozy of a thing.

Now I know that being the ripe old age of twenty-five, I haven’t lived the longest or the most prosperous life, but to me, I’ve accomplished a lot of things. To me, falling in love with myself, my flaws, my personality, my life and what I have accomplished has been a long, drawn out and definitely a daunting process. I have travelled. I have loved. I have finished and re-started and almost re-finished studying. I have moved out and then back in and soon back out again. See, I have done these things. The reason I am so proud is that I’ve done these things on my own. To me, these accomplishments all contribute to my growing self-love and self-respect. I don’t want to come across up myself or egotistic but I genuinely love myself and you definitely should love yourself too.

To those who know me, I am naturally a very loud, positive and outgoing person. I will be your biggest supporter, advocate and confidante. I am constantly all for hearing new ideas and being a sounding board. So why is it when it comes to myself, I sometimes struggle? Sometimes is putting it delicately. Almost every time I have had an idea I internally shut it down because my self-worth has been so low. Only recently I recognised that this too is part of what self-love is. I listen to other peoples’ ideas and communicate with them on a positive and manifesting level but shun my own. Why? Because my self-love has been diminished previously. Once I realised that this was something I was automatically and subconsciously doing, it was A LOT of practice getting myself to stop. But I have stopped and my mental and physical health has improved tenfold. You see, self-doubt is and probably will always be one of my biggest hindrances. To everyone else, I was seen as this entrepreneurial ideas woman and to myself, all I saw (and sometimes still see) was a collective failure. Now this in no way shape or form is to be a pity party. I just want to highlight that everyone goes through things that shape themselves and we have to learn from this to ensure that we move ‘onwards and upwards’.

This self-growth and internal education is something that I am using as my motivation to better myself. I don’t strive to be better than anyone else. I strive to be better than who I was yesterday. Every day, I am learning. Every day, I am gaining an insight into the sort of woman I want to be. Ensuring that I nurture my happiness on a daily basis and being able to recognise when I may be suffering or have a decrease in my mood and happiness is of integral importance to me. And trust me, no-one wants an unhappy Erin. Absolutely no one. Not even me.  My biggest tip of all is to be confident. Being confident in yourself and your ability. When you are confident in yourself you can achieve anything. Okay, maybe not anything but you definitely can achieve A LOT.

My top five tips for self-love
1.
 Keep a journal, either a physical book or notes in your phone. Record your daily adventures, this can be a keepsake momento to look back on and see all the amazing things you have achieved.

2. Find a hobby you enjoy and can do almost on the daily. For me, it is exercising. I find that by going to the gym daily I am releasing my daily stressors and also having a catch up session with many of my girlfriends.
3. If you don’t believe yourself, who can you trust? Talk to your best friend. Ask them their favourite things about you. You may be surprised by their responses.
4. “Treat yourself” is a lot more than a slogan saying from the movies. I treat myself at least once a week with a face mask, a hair treatment and a bath whilst reading my book. They may not be big things, but boy do they make me feel amazing.
5. Remember that you are human. We all have our good and our bad days. Next time, try and think, “if this was my friend, would I let them talk to themselves like this?”. The answer is blatantly obvious isn’t it? So go easy on yourself.

To channel my inner ‘Year Seven self’ definitely, Dream, Believe, Achieve. Self-doubt can be a real jerk but trust me, you have the power within yourself to overcome it. I am a big believer in the power of positive thinking and loving yourself. If you ever need that pep talk from someone other than yourself; I am only a DM, an email or a phone call away.

Be happy. Be unapologetically happy within yourself about your life, your accomplishments and your goals. In the wise words of a certain Canadian crooner; you should go and love yourself. Don’t ever forget that.

Here if you need. Love (yourself) always,

Erin x

New Years’ Resolutions cheat-sheet: instant happiness*

*happiness may or may not be instantaneous

Well, it is official, the first month of the new year is almost drawing to a close. It is easy to look back on 2017 and make one simple decision; do we repeat past ways (some may say mistakes), or do we pave new paths for ourselves? Ultimately these ‘resolutions’ we form, whether physical, financial or even sometimes emotional are what we use to guide us on the next 365 or so days of our journey.

With all the reflection that is occurring it is so easy to get lost on what really needs changing. For me, the whole purpose of a New Year’s resolution is to promote a positive change in my life. So in order to this, we have to identify aspects of our lives or environment that we want to be changed. It can be something as simple as learning to say thank you when you get your morning coffee or to make eye contact when you order your dinner. Resolutions and plans however trivial they may be, are just that; plans. You have to actively plan what you are doing and create ways and strategies to get what you want. Yeah of course sometimes plans don’t always pan out and that is also okay. (Hell if they did I would be a married mum of two by now and thank the LAWD that isn’t the case. Sidenote – all my plants are currently plastic, thank you IKEA. Another New Years Ressie not kept.)

Rather than tell you how to live your life and what to do, I thought I would merely suggest things that collectively we could all work towards to ensure that we all survive and make 2018 as positive and sane as we can.

So here is my freshly cultivated, no B-S list of things that need to remain FIRMLY in 2017.

  1. Being chicken sh*t. Now I know that this is A LOT easier said than done. But hey, if I can do it then so can you. Whether it be related to personal or professional  – carpe diem the crap out of life. You are never too young or too old to do anything. You wanna quit your job that you hate but keep because you don’t know how to resign? You are secretly in love with your best friends brother and have been since high school? You want to go back to university but you are in your mid-twenties and feel like you are too old? Now I am not trying to rip off everyone’s favourite shoe brand but for the love of Pete; just do it! Only you have the power to fix something so f*cking DO IT.
  2. Doing things for other people, not yourself. I am a big people pleaser. BIG. I love people coming to me and telling me their problems and wanting my advice. That stuff is what I live for. Well, I used to. You see the thing about constantly being other peoples soundboard is that when it came time to do things for myself or for me to talk about my feelings I felt like there was no-one there to listen. Obviously, this isn’t the case but I have learnt over time to not be so giving of myself to others who genuinely DNGAF about me.
  3. Sh*t relationships; sex, friends, family, work, just no. This is something I obviously don’t have to divulge too much on (hopefully?). It is quite easy just don’t fake it. Your sex, your friendships, your happiness, your work happiness. Don’t like it? Change it. Don’t live mediocrely. Life is way too short to be unhappy and stuck in sh*t circumstationships you don’t like. Yes, I made that word up. Deal with it.
  4. Bullying or just being a generally sh*t person. This is tied in with relationships. I don’t care if you are forty-six, twenty-six or sixteen (actually not sixteen, you are a child – stop reading); do not be a sh*t person. In a world that is so driven by (the false concept) of superiority and (also false) status quo, you don’t need to conform and in turn treat people like a POS just for self-vilification.  In the wise words of my Oma, “if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.” Preach it Oms. If you do, you are not welcome in 2018. Back you go. Bye Felicia.
  5. Socks and sandals. Nuff’ said really. This is a legit no-brainer. I don’t care what Milan fashion week might be telling you in February. No! But in saying this, I am digging that everyone is more now than ever on board with the Birks. Go team!!

So here is to 2018. The new year, well what is left of it. A year for self-discovery and self-belief and most of all – a year where you do whatever you want to do because YOU want to. Not because you think you should do it, or because it will make you look good to other people. Do things for YOU not how you want to be perceived by the public, your partner, your (stalked) crush, your family or your nosey neighbour Sally who definitely keeps up with your life more than the Kardashians.

Do you (take this is whatever way you want), be you, be happy.

In the wise words of Rihanna – “Don’t let the bastards get you down. Turn it around…”

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Erin x