Dating in 2018: Compulsory Dating References for Exes?

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be giving a reference, a physical “he is a really great guy” reference, for a man I once dated. But here we are.

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Yep this legit happened. So sit down and strap yourself in kids, because this story is a dating doozy.

You see, social media, is such a beautiful thing. It is this really weird tool that connects people, albeit sometimes strangers. They can use it to meet up, post selfies, nudge each other (nostalgic MSN days), catfish each other (Instagram filters, editing tools etc), ‘date’ each other (flirt in the dm’s), then ultimately ignore each other. Obviously, being someone who works within the realms of social media, I froth social media. However, there are a lot of avenues on the web which I am not totally kosher with. So here I am, it is Monday afternoon, we are finishing up at work and someone who I do not know ‘slides into my dm’s’ (young kid, hip lingo) asking for a favour. Never did I ever predict what this favour would entail.

Let me set the scene – I went on a few dates with this person. We were introduced by a mutual friend who assured me he wasn’t a typical douche-canoe like every other breed of man I usually attract. And if I am being honest, to this day, he still isn’t in the same DC category as the others, but I’m sure that after a couple of sauvs I like to get creative with my wording so I am sure he has been painted ever-so lovingly to my girlfriends. Whoops.

Anyway, back on track. As most people who you are dating/not dating, we did the usual non-dating things such as dinners, lunches, breakfasts, sleepovers, meeting the housemates, meeting the friends, going out for drinks, you know typical NON-dating things.

Skip to now, I am going on with my day-to-day life and then out of nowhere, BAM, social media decides to be aid and abet an investigation into this man and he comes back into mine. Now please note, that we women, have specialised skills, much like Liam Neeson, if there is dirt to be dug on a dude whether we are dating them, our friend is, or our mums wants to; we will find it. Back to how I came into the investigation. It went a lil’ something like this –

“Hi Erin, I am doing some background intel and research on (BLAH). Can you confirm or deny that he is a nice guy or a douche-canoe?”

“Hmmm, interesting question (Insert name). How do you know him?”

“Oh hi! You know my friend (blank), she went on a date with him last week. I did some investigating (stalked his friends) and found you. Voila. Here we are. SPILL!”

So here we are. I’m sending through a paragraphed novel about this guy whose middle name to this day evades me, who re-introduced me to my interest in football (safe to report, it’s gone again) and paint him as a real-life oil painted Casanova, which he was. I cannot stress enough, nothing bad ever happened between this guy and I. It just didn’t work out. He’s a nice guy so I will gladly be honest and say nice things about him. I’m sure I could’ve said nothing and just blanked and pretended I didn’t know him or I could’ve acted like a scorned woman (not that there was anything to be scorned over).

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But I didn’t. So, am I officially now an adult? Is this what my Nan was talking about when she said, “rise above it and be the bigger person”? I can almost guarantee that Nan did not think that that would be applied in a situation such as this, but again, here we are.

So is this what dating is? When you consciously un-couple (apparently this is VERY 2018. FYI – You don’t break up anymore) with someone should you do a de-brief? Should we create a universally recognised excel spreadsheet, a ‘tick or flick’ for once you get the flick?

Sidenote – I would like to add that I committed the CARDINAL of all sins (according to myself, I know everyone else loves it) and ate Salmon for this guy. Also, the salmon ruined my eggs benedict and jokes on you for having to pay the extra $3 for it and me not finishing my breakfast!

Second sidenote – actually the more I think of it, I am a pretty good rebound/prepper for the next best thing. Literally EVERY single one of my exes went on and got married and/or fell in love and/or moved to Europe after they dated me. So, any takers?

 

Xoxo matchmaker girl.

My life, my way? No way, Jose.

Your twenties are your years to learn. To figure your sh*t out. To have your ‘AH-HA!’ moment/s. Or so they say. But why is a number, your age, so definitive to your life and its outcome? Why can’t you realise one day that your life is or is not what you want. Irrespective of your DOB, age or this ‘number’. To me, I thought I always knew what I wanted. I fell into a career straight out of high school which saw me pull out of my university degree and just do the 9-5 and thought that this was it. How life was ‘meant’ to be. How my life was meant to be.

Slowly over time there was a burn (non-medical FYI) and a drive to do something more. To be something more. Whilst still working, I started looking at different ways to harness my passions and this creativity. I created an online business. It failed, dismally. But I kept persevering. I attempted to start an import company. This failed, shock horror. Almost every week, I was coming up with new ‘ah-ha’ idea and sharing them with my parents. The whole time I am sure, they were beginning to get concerned with my constant “more, more, more” attitude and drive. It must’ve been exhausting for them because it sure was for me.

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It wasn’t until I went overseas in 2015 and had the opportunity for the first time in my life to truly be by myself with no external persuasions. I found myself on the other side of the world with no-one I knew. I was doing whatever I wanted and doing it whenever I wanted to do it. It was the scariest realisation and also the most profound of my life. It was whilst I was overseas I quit my job. I enrolled in University. I had decided my life as I was living it, currently, was not enough. To a lot of people, I am sure, I looked bat sh*t crazy. (I probably still do TBH). I was leaving a well paying, stable job, to do, well I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing. I quit my job without a new job to go to AKA I had no money and I was broke. But I knew I wasn’t happy. So I went about fixing it. I was heading for a breakdown and just knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I was no longer the naive young girl with the five million dreams; I had grown up. I was a woman, yes, but I had no f*cking idea what I was doing!

So of course, once I quit my job and questioned everything. I fell into such a depressive lull. People where asking me what I was doing, where I was going, how I was doing, what the big plan was. But I was numb. I had no answers to any of it. I felt stupid and worthless. I had f*cked up. Royally. I also knew I was about to in debt up to my eyeballs. I had also convinced myself I wouldn’t finish my degree.

What. The. F*ck.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.16.43This pivotal moment is what led me to where I am now. Right now, today, I am surrounded, daily, but the most influential and positive role models I have ever met. My best friends, my muses, my shoulders to cry on, my fellow wine whingers, my gym buddies, my siblings, my parents, my friends who I have made as the moniker ‘Everything by Erin’, these people are my family. These people are my support network. These people are why I keep doing what I am doing. These people are why I have not quit and did not quit and will not quit.

Getting back to my original point, life is what you make it. Over the past two years I have grown as a person expo-f*cking-nentially. I get to meet like-minded individuals on a daily basis, I have developed my blog, my business and have nearly graduated university. I have done this. The woman who literally questioned EVERY aspect of her life. And still does. But I can do this. How do I know that? Because I’ve done it. And if I can do this, anyone can.

I’m not the person I once was. I don’t regret who I was, the things I have done in my past or the path that I chose. I am just different. I have grown. I have become my own person. I don’t follow crowds and I sure as sh*t don’t care about what people think of me anymore. I have my family, my mentors and my friends that have become my family.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.15.10To the people who understand my drive, my grind, my passion and what I strive to do; thank you for sticking by me and loving me and supporting me. To the people who I have lost along the way because we’ve drifted or we are no longer connect; I’m sorry. But everything that I do in my life is for me. No-one else. For everyone who has supported me; thank you.

Watch. This. Space.

E x

Side note – All quotes in todays blog are provided by the EVER-SO smart and talented boss b*tch Colette Werden (insta is @colettewerden)

 

 

When life gives you lemons, do tequila shots*

When life gives you lemons, it’s usually best to make lemonade. So they say at least. But seriously, what the hell does this saying even mean? When everything turns to sh*t, am I meant to stop ALL my career aspirations and become a soft drink connoisseur? As much as a gal can dream, I don’t think this is what it meant. So in saying this, I would like to think that this phrase is something that we can faze out. Or at least try to do. Instead, lets coin a phrase so uplifting and spiritual, that when you say it you instantly think of the Queer Eye gents jumping up and down screaming, “YASSSS QUEEN.”

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You see, this is the life I want to live.

Recently I have had a pretty rough time. Now, do not get me wrong, life is good, life has always been pretty good. There is nothing to categorically label certain situations or periods of time bad to make me feel this way. I have just felt numb, lost and confused AF I would say approximately AT LEAST seventy-five percent of the time for the past two or so months. Obviously, as someone who goes through periods of angst and anxiety, this isn’t something I want to dwell on and definitely don’t try to, but my point is, you have to experience these literal down times to realise how good you have it usually. Focus on the good sh*t and drink your way through the bad sh*t. Just kidding. Or am I?

Personally, when I experience a sh*tty time in my life, I would much rather have an ‘ah-ha, yeah sh*t this sucks’ moment, listen to some Adele, have a cry, and then move on. Yeah, yeah I know. Easier said than done. Trust me, I know it is. But you see when your life takes a turn in any direction, other than what you’ve hoped, prayed, wished etc., it is a lot easier to go looking for blame rather than just dealing with it.

You get fired? Go get drunk. You get dumped? Dye your hair and possibly get a nipple or two pierced (Can vouch that this isn’t the most sensible idea. Or so I’ve heard…). You realise your friendship group isn’t as strong or as click-y as it once was? You passive-aggressively tell them via your social media posts how ‘happy’ you are sans them (cue eyeroll x500). You see, these things as superficial or as earth-shattering and groundbreaking that they potentially are, these things, are just that, things. We need to focus on the things that really matter. Focus your energy onto the good people in your life, the good times in your life, your health, your family, your goals. Get rid of all the negative vibes because at the end of the day, they don’t matter.

Why is it that we notice almost instantly when things are heading bad, or have the potential to go bad but almost run, in the opposite direction to good things? Why is it we are so quick to judge ourselves and berate ourselves when things go badly but don’t celebrate when we have wins, however small they are.

The new week is upon on, focus on the wins. Even if they are so small and tiny and may seem insignificant. Focus on the things that build us up rather than tear us down. Focus on being happy rather than being an emotional wreck who cries because the bag of carrots you picked weren’t the freshest (I wish I had made this up). Focus on you and your happiness. That’s the most important part. Not the carrots.

 

Xoxo blonde buddha-like girl out.

*Obviously, if you are underage or cannot handle your alcohol (ahem, like me), don’t do shots. Bad life choices. Instant regrets.