My life, my way? No way, Jose.

Your twenties are your years to learn. To figure your sh*t out. To have your ‘AH-HA!’ moment/s. Or so they say. But why is a number, your age, so definitive to your life and its outcome? Why can’t you realise one day that your life is or is not what you want. Irrespective of your DOB, age or this ‘number’. To me, I thought I always knew what I wanted. I fell into a career straight out of high school which saw me pull out of my university degree and just do the 9-5 and thought that this was it. How life was ‘meant’ to be. How my life was meant to be.

Slowly over time there was a burn (non-medical FYI) and a drive to do something more. To be something more. Whilst still working, I started looking at different ways to harness my passions and this creativity. I created an online business. It failed, dismally. But I kept persevering. I attempted to start an import company. This failed, shock horror. Almost every week, I was coming up with new ‘ah-ha’ idea and sharing them with my parents. The whole time I am sure, they were beginning to get concerned with my constant “more, more, more” attitude and drive. It must’ve been exhausting for them because it sure was for me.

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It wasn’t until I went overseas in 2015 and had the opportunity for the first time in my life to truly be by myself with no external persuasions. I found myself on the other side of the world with no-one I knew. I was doing whatever I wanted and doing it whenever I wanted to do it. It was the scariest realisation and also the most profound of my life. It was whilst I was overseas I quit my job. I enrolled in University. I had decided my life as I was living it, currently, was not enough. To a lot of people, I am sure, I looked bat sh*t crazy. (I probably still do TBH). I was leaving a well paying, stable job, to do, well I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing. I quit my job without a new job to go to AKA I had no money and I was broke. But I knew I wasn’t happy. So I went about fixing it. I was heading for a breakdown and just knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I was no longer the naive young girl with the five million dreams; I had grown up. I was a woman, yes, but I had no f*cking idea what I was doing!

So of course, once I quit my job and questioned everything. I fell into such a depressive lull. People where asking me what I was doing, where I was going, how I was doing, what the big plan was. But I was numb. I had no answers to any of it. I felt stupid and worthless. I had f*cked up. Royally. I also knew I was about to in debt up to my eyeballs. I had also convinced myself I wouldn’t finish my degree.

What. The. F*ck.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.16.43This pivotal moment is what led me to where I am now. Right now, today, I am surrounded, daily, but the most influential and positive role models I have ever met. My best friends, my muses, my shoulders to cry on, my fellow wine whingers, my gym buddies, my siblings, my parents, my friends who I have made as the moniker ‘Everything by Erin’, these people are my family. These people are my support network. These people are why I keep doing what I am doing. These people are why I have not quit and did not quit and will not quit.

Getting back to my original point, life is what you make it. Over the past two years I have grown as a person expo-f*cking-nentially. I get to meet like-minded individuals on a daily basis, I have developed my blog, my business and have nearly graduated university. I have done this. The woman who literally questioned EVERY aspect of her life. And still does. But I can do this. How do I know that? Because I’ve done it. And if I can do this, anyone can.

I’m not the person I once was. I don’t regret who I was, the things I have done in my past or the path that I chose. I am just different. I have grown. I have become my own person. I don’t follow crowds and I sure as sh*t don’t care about what people think of me anymore. I have my family, my mentors and my friends that have become my family.

Screen Shot 2018-05-20 at 16.15.10To the people who understand my drive, my grind, my passion and what I strive to do; thank you for sticking by me and loving me and supporting me. To the people who I have lost along the way because we’ve drifted or we are no longer connect; I’m sorry. But everything that I do in my life is for me. No-one else. For everyone who has supported me; thank you.

Watch. This. Space.

E x

Side note – All quotes in todays blog are provided by the EVER-SO smart and talented boss b*tch Colette Werden (insta is @colettewerden)

 

 

When life gives you lemons, do tequila shots*

When life gives you lemons, it’s usually best to make lemonade. So they say at least. But seriously, what the hell does this saying even mean? When everything turns to sh*t, am I meant to stop ALL my career aspirations and become a soft drink connoisseur? As much as a gal can dream, I don’t think this is what it meant. So in saying this, I would like to think that this phrase is something that we can faze out. Or at least try to do. Instead, lets coin a phrase so uplifting and spiritual, that when you say it you instantly think of the Queer Eye gents jumping up and down screaming, “YASSSS QUEEN.”

http://gph.is/2E9hk2m

You see, this is the life I want to live.

Recently I have had a pretty rough time. Now, do not get me wrong, life is good, life has always been pretty good. There is nothing to categorically label certain situations or periods of time bad to make me feel this way. I have just felt numb, lost and confused AF I would say approximately AT LEAST seventy-five percent of the time for the past two or so months. Obviously, as someone who goes through periods of angst and anxiety, this isn’t something I want to dwell on and definitely don’t try to, but my point is, you have to experience these literal down times to realise how good you have it usually. Focus on the good sh*t and drink your way through the bad sh*t. Just kidding. Or am I?

Personally, when I experience a sh*tty time in my life, I would much rather have an ‘ah-ha, yeah sh*t this sucks’ moment, listen to some Adele, have a cry, and then move on. Yeah, yeah I know. Easier said than done. Trust me, I know it is. But you see when your life takes a turn in any direction, other than what you’ve hoped, prayed, wished etc., it is a lot easier to go looking for blame rather than just dealing with it.

You get fired? Go get drunk. You get dumped? Dye your hair and possibly get a nipple or two pierced (Can vouch that this isn’t the most sensible idea. Or so I’ve heard…). You realise your friendship group isn’t as strong or as click-y as it once was? You passive-aggressively tell them via your social media posts how ‘happy’ you are sans them (cue eyeroll x500). You see, these things as superficial or as earth-shattering and groundbreaking that they potentially are, these things, are just that, things. We need to focus on the things that really matter. Focus your energy onto the good people in your life, the good times in your life, your health, your family, your goals. Get rid of all the negative vibes because at the end of the day, they don’t matter.

Why is it that we notice almost instantly when things are heading bad, or have the potential to go bad but almost run, in the opposite direction to good things? Why is it we are so quick to judge ourselves and berate ourselves when things go badly but don’t celebrate when we have wins, however small they are.

The new week is upon on, focus on the wins. Even if they are so small and tiny and may seem insignificant. Focus on the things that build us up rather than tear us down. Focus on being happy rather than being an emotional wreck who cries because the bag of carrots you picked weren’t the freshest (I wish I had made this up). Focus on you and your happiness. That’s the most important part. Not the carrots.

 

Xoxo blonde buddha-like girl out.

*Obviously, if you are underage or cannot handle your alcohol (ahem, like me), don’t do shots. Bad life choices. Instant regrets.