Resolutions Schmezolutions

So we’ve passed that weird week of Decanuary – where we have no idea of how long it is acceptable to eat the leftover ham and also we are busy deliberating on how exactly we are going to ‘slay’ the next 365 days. Now that we’ve entered the New Year; cue the hangovers, the #newyear #newme hashtags and all the other carrying on that occurs at this time of the year – engagements, break ups (sometimes fueled by others engagements) and the hook ups (sometimes fueled by break ups). New Year shenanigans are a tiring time. Another vital part of ringing in the new year is the resolutions. Now this isn’t something that you can just ignore. You either actively construct a list of ‘to-dos’ or you don’t. There is no in-between. Now me being the anal retentive list keeper that I am, I have devised a list of things I wanted to do this year. Will they be achieved? Probably not. Do they differ much from last years’ list that I definitely didn’t achieve in entirety? Again, probably not. Will my life crumble around me if I don’t achieve them? Same answer as before, probably not.

My 2017 New Year Resolutions

  1. Stop snapping at people, things, inanimate objects (includes at family who sometimes get a mouthful just for looking at me wrong, same goes to Matt – soz bud, the dog who cops a spray when she is just trying to warn me that a gecko poses a serious threat to our home, people who can’t drive, people who think they can drive, slow walkers, fast walkers, birds – cannot explain this one, they just irk me).
  2. Be as debt-free as possible (without impacting on my social life or leisure times – this refers solely to cartons of ciders, Netflix subscriptions and the weekly fake tan cult-like rituals)
  3. Approach every opportunity with an open mind (don’t instantly think ‘fck dat’, do the no deal girl emoji or shake my head profusely)
  4. Stop over-using emojis even though IOS has just made it 500 x easier #firstworldproblems
  5. Get my manual licence – self-explanatory really
  6. Get my regrowth sorted out at a frequency that doesn’t allow for me to be confused for a human skunk
  7. Stop getting so bloody sunburnt. You’d think I would know by now?
  8. Learn a language. Not going to happen but pays to be optimistic?

Now let’s be realistic this isn’t all of my resolutions. And it sure as sh*t doesn’t include my first and apparently most important ‘goal’ of 2017. The first thing I wrote down without even thinking, without even hesitating? Lose weight.

Now I’m not saying I actively want to lose weight, need to lose weight or even could possibly lose weight if I tried – it is just something that has always and always is on my resolutions list. Now I know for a fact that sometimes I am going to fluctuate in weight and I make out like it’s a problem but it isn’t. It’s all G. For example, a couple of years ago I spent three months-ish abroad stuffing my face with food and beers until I practically had to roll myself back to ‘home’ every day. I finished 2015 almost ten kilograms heavier then what I started it with. Did that make me reflect poorly on the year? Hell to the n-o girlfriend.

Look at my little chipmunk face!!!!!!

But imagine if this was the only thing that my happiness or the only determining factor of whether or not my year was successful? No-one is going to say, “Geez 2015 sucked because I didn’t lose weight. All 365 days were wasted”. No one. Well not out aloud at least. So I’m culling it. Done. Gone. Na-da. The ‘W word’ is gone. Consider it as blasphemous as the ‘F word’ and I’m not talking fat.

Moving forward into next year this year, I am going to stop focusing on things that don’t matter. Will an extra cider hurt me when i’m two coats deep into my Thursday night basting of Bondi Sands? No! I will just have to boogy a little bit harder to Justin Bieber whilst doing so and that is more than okay with me. Don’t deny it, we all love the Biebs. Am I going to regret not getting the gluten free pasta option when I go out for dinner and drinks with the girls and look like a bloated baby humpback the next day? Probably. But IDGAF and neither should any of you.

Going to take a leaf out of my grandparents books for a little bit here, but stay with me Gen Y’s – it’s only brief! There is SO much more to life then to-do lists, to-complete lists or task lists. Sure it is fulfilling to be able to fist pump to yourself (quietly or loudly depending on what you are into); but it isn’t everything.

Rather than making it a NEW YEAR resolution why don’t we just make it a life resolution. Be happy. Do things in moderation and most importantly don’t let your happiness be determined by a tick or a cross on a to-do list. Get out there and get life done. To quote my boy Slim, ‘one shot or one opportunity to seize everything you ever wanted in life’.

As humans let us all make ONE  resolution together. It should be to help eradicate bullying, tormenting and all the other bulls*t that occurs both online and offline from trolls and in everyday life – schools, workplaces, etc. Bullying people is so last year. You are uncool.

Happy New Year x

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